I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
