please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
