This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
