R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
