you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
