I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
