Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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