Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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