I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so let's talk penis.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize