So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We need to feng shui this bitch.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
