I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
