i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
