Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
