just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
