the day after is always just damage control
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
