But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
