the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
