Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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