I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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