Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
