and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
