What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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