I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
