Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize