my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
