You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
