I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
