So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
