this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
