i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
