i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
