speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
