Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
