Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i think i have two assholes
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm bleeding and have questions
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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