i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
