you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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