i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
