Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
