ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
