it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The ass gains better be worth it
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
