Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
