I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
