you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
