The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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