No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
