I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
