your room smells of hookers.
And success
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
