she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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