i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
