If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize