His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
