i think my tv is drunk
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The struggles of a small town man whore
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
