I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
how does that bad decision feel?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
