im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
