I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
