I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
