Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I could fuck to npr.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
