i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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