she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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