I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
