Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my shit smells like andre
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
