I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
