Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
