I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
