was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
