i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
