I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
