Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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