I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
