youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
