So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We had sex on a dog bed..
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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