Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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