We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
