I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
