Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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