just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize